Lost in Work
At times, I feel lost in my work.
I teach computer science five days a week: three at university and two in secondary education. Some days, I just wake up feeling... average. You know that feeling when you dread to get out of bed? The days when you'd rather just stay in? Yeah, that. Once I actually get up, things are fine, but waking up and getting out of bed? That’s a battle sometimes.
Apart from teaching, I coach athletes two evenings a week at my local athletics club. This summer, I decided to switch those coaching days around to match up with the days I work in secondary education, which is closer to home. That gave me more time to relax between work and coaching, instead of rushing from one thing to the next without any real rest. It was something I really needed. But even with the new schedule and more breaks, I sometimes still find myself drained before I even step onto the athletics track.
Maybe the real source of my tiredness is work, not coaching. In fact, coaching is something I enjoy. It’s just that by the time the workday ends, I’m often running on empty.
What brings me the most joy at work? It’s watching others achieve great things. Like when I explain a concept to a student, and I can actually see that light bulb moment when they get it. That spark of understanding energizes me.
Still, I find myself missing out on free time. The kind where all the day's work is done, and I have an entire evening ahead with nothing to do. Or at least, I think I’m missing out on that. Even when I do get a few moments to myself, it doesn’t feel like real "free" time, if that makes sense. There's always tomorrow, with new duties and responsibilities. In education, work never ends.
To decompress, I end up watching YouTube or, worse, scrolling through TikTok in bed when I should be sleeping.
Spoiler alert: I always feel terrible the next morning.
But for some reason, I can’t stop myself. My brain tells me, "You know this is a bad idea, right?" And I’m like, "Yeah, yeah... just one more video." Famous last words.
During my downtime, I usually read or listen to podcasts, especially during my commute. That's probably the one time I feel productive while relaxing. I also try to run a few times a week—either with a group on the track or by myself in nature. Running gives me energy, but after a long workday, finding the motivation to get up and go for a run is tough. The couch and YouTube have a stronger pull.
So, what’s the plan to fix this tiredness, work stress, and too much TikTok? Well, if I had the answer, I wouldn’t be writing this. I'd be writing about the solution I found—the magical thing that got me out of this slump.
But there is something that's been on my mind for ages. It’s a thought that says I need time. Time to think. Time that could be created by dropping some of the teaching responsibilities. Time to reflect—maybe not even actively, just creating the space I need in my life. Because making that time will create something new, something interesting, something beautiful. I'm sure of it.
Hmm, yeah. Life is strange sometimes. The answers don't grow on trees; they seem to be buried deep underground. It just takes the courage to start digging.